Therapist recommendation

Hello,

I’m going through a traumatic breakup and am in need of a new counselor. Right now I’m seeing a psychologist, but he is very hands off and I am looking for someone who would be willing to delve into my past and attachment style so that I can figure out why I do what I do, especially in relationships, so I can change my patterns. I am also interested in cognitive behavioral therapy.

I know everyone recommends the Psychology Today therapist finder or the insurance website (I have Cigna btw), but honestly, I have gotten dud after dud. Two LMFTs, one who was really unprofessional as far as not keeping appointments last minute all the time and just nodding along and agreeing with whatever I said, and one who just does not have a good bedside manner and who victim blamed me when I was being abused and ranted at me for a solid fifteen minutes while I sat in silence waiting for it to end (from Nick Finnegan counseling center, so not going back there). Now I am seeing a psychologist, and he barely speaks and there are no goals or directions in therapy and once again, I don’t feel like I’m getting at any actual issues or really receiving help.

I’m very open to making changes, and I repeatedly ask counselors for goals and to try CBT and to help me figure out coping mechanisms, but I really just keep getting duds. I’m actually in a counseling grad program myself, so I know how it’s SUPPOSED to be, and I know I want someone who is in between being directive and indirective, and I know there are people out there who do a great job and exactly what I want because I heard about friends’ experiences, but I’m having trouble finding someone like that. You would think a therapist would be thrilled that you’re asking to do things like make goals and for help figuring out coping skills. Also, the problem with the Psychology Today finder is that most therapists will check every box under what they specialize in, so it’s hard to actually narrow down search results based on specialty or type of therapy offered. For example, everyone says they treat ADHD and OCD, when really they don’t have the extra training or expertise in those fields and tell me they don’t really know how to work with those populations when I actually see them.

Please only recommend people you’ve actually been to. Thank you in advance!