Reporting From Enemy Territory

As a Houston to Chicago transplant, I'm often happy to support da Bears. It's definitely better than supporting the Packers.

However, this weekend is not that time. I will proudly sport my Texans jersey and talk s**t to Bears fans.

The last time da Bears won a chip was before I was alive.

The Detroit Lions have done more than da Bears in the last decade.

I hate Brian Urlacher's stupid face on billboards across town advertising hair transplants.

Chicago pizza is objectively not pizza. It's a goddamn casserole, y'all.

Your accent is so nasal that it sounds like a bad head cold.

Double doink.

I hope your stupid team owners leave the city for Arlington Heights instead of making Chicagoans foot the bill for a new stadium.

In summation….

F**K DA BEARS.

Go Texans.

That is all.