Rant: Ballpark etiquette

Apologies if this is stream of consciousness rant, I just got back from the game and I’m still pretty heated. I’ve attended 20-30 games each season as my work schedule allows. I’ve seen a lot of stupid go down but tonight was one of the worst home games I’ve been to in terms of fan behavior. And the worst part it was Astros fans. I expected better from y’all.

I’m not sure if I just got unlucky tonight or people generally decided to act like oblivious dickheads tonight.

Highlights include: 1) Guy in front of me with such bad BO he smelled like he’d been rolling around in a dumpster before the game. On top of that he kept sitting on his seat rests blocking the view of people behind him. They’d ask him to sit down and he would for a bat or two then stop. 2) I realise MMP has SRO but if you’re lucky you can usually find an unused seat in the nosebleeds. However if the people with tickets show up, then gtfo and find some place new. Seats aren’t finders keepers, people purchase dedicated seats for a high price and they should get to use the. I had to argue this people to get out of my seats after I took a break to go to the bathroom. 3) I ended up stuck in front of a group of drunk ass ER doctors who were loudly repeatedly their sexual exploits, non fucking stop and it just got louder and more explicit as time went on. Like dude, there’s kids here and it’s hard to concentrate on the at bats when I have to hear about your goal to bang your way through the entire memorial Herman nursing staff. 4) The gropey dudes in the concourse. Yes it’s crowded. Yes you may bump into someone. But that is not an excuse to grab my waist, hip, shoulder, and squeeze it and pull me into your sweaty ass body while “apologizing” and calling me sweetheart. Like f**k off you’re my dads age. This happened three times with different sweaty ass drunk dudes while I was trying to get beer or snacks. 5) Sit the hell down during a bats. I remember in the past the ushers would stop people from going to their seats until it was in between batters. I’m guessing this was a budget cut that was made years ago since I haven’t seen them in awhile, but it’s still a damn curtesy usher or not. I lost count of how many at bats I missed because I had to stare at the ass of the dudes in front of me or stand up to let people by me, because they though a full count with two outs was a perfect time to hit the can. 6) People attacked each other and trying to steal foul balls. I’ve always seen a bit of a tussle on these, but today I saw a dude go for the face and body slam a child to get to the ball. 7) This was the only one I can blame on a Braves fan. At the end of the game I like to collect the rally towels because I sew them together and make beach blankets. Usually dozens upon dozens are left behind. So on my walk out I’ll grab the ones that have been clearly left behind(eg stuffed in cup holders, left under seats with no fans around). I accidentally grabbed one from a guy who walked away from his seat to take pics of the field. He chased me down and confronted me and I offered to give it back since it was an honest mistake. He proceeded to yell and curse at me and back me into a corner for about 3 minutes even after I gave him his damn towel back. He literally corned me so I couldn’t escape and proceed to berate me over an honest mistake(that had been rectified) all in front of his own son who looked mortified. So maybe don’t leave your most prize possession (a 25 cent rally towel) in an empty row of seats while you wander off to check out the views from the lower deck.

Seriously people, be better.

My rules for ballpark etiquette * Don’t stand up and move around or block other patrons while players are batting. * Don’t be a drunken ass and yell non stop to the point people can’t follow what’s on the field. * Sit in your damn seat unless it’s rally time or they tell you to stand up. You want to stand all game then get SRO seats * I can’t fault anyone for moving up to better seats but if those seat holders show up then you need to leave without causing a scene. * Don’t fucking touch strangers. I know you may be going through your midlife crisis but the chick that’s your daughters age doesn’t want you grabbing her bits and commenting on how her jersey fits nice. * for the love of god, wash your clothes, your hair and your damn self. No one wants to sit next to someone who smelled like a hobo * don’t attack children over foul balls, seriously * if you leave you rally towel, Saint Arnold’s cup, Etc at your seat post game and wander two sections away, I’m sorry it’s fair game. The park staff has to throw all that s**t out afterward and there are fans who collect it. If it’s important keep it with you.

If I’m missing any obvious call em out know(or if I’m being too sensitive let me know )

I love The Astros and I love going to as many games as my work schedule allows. Prior to this the worse I’d seen was some mouthy Dodgers or Yankees fans, but living up near NyC I learned to ignore them. I was more appalled by the behavior of our own fans tonight.

I love going to MMP as much as possible and I want to keep enjoying it for years to come, but some fans need to learn how to behave.

/rant