Mental Evaluation Help

HI, Everyone. I'm posting this hoping to be my last attempt to change my stand and skepticism on therapy. For years I keep on hearing the word depression, anxiety, therapy, counseling. I consider myself someone mentally resilient and strong yet I understand life has up and downs, life kick ass and I understand I can't be happy or sad all the time, sometimes a little more happy sometimes a little more sad.

I got off work early today and decided to give it a try after years of considering doing it just for "fun", I visited 3 clinics in downtown and they were closed, I called 3 different "counseling " establishment with little help, Im already reluctant to pay someone to tell me some bs or just tell me to take many sessions to make more money off me, I know there is honest professionals out here, but I was taking that as a sign to just leave it alone and just roll one and go to sleep with the hopes to be a little less sad tomorrow.

I'm a divorced father of 2 handsome boys (2yr/5yr old). Since my divorce I had only been able to see my kids a handful of times over a 2 yr period, and that is killing my soul, feel like slowly dying.

You might wonder, what did you do? According to her words, "I abandoned my kids when I left the house" therefore that's my sentence, to be away and be left at the expense of her mood behaviors.

I left because of the abuse ( physical, financial, psychological), because I didn't want to show my kids a conflicted household, I was rather be a good example from afar, than a bad example nearby. I question my decision everyday day when I wake up, now, 2 years later.

I'm about to embark myself on this choppy ride called child support, this is my last hope to be able to see my kids again. I finally got a decent place to live, after being homeless and struggling to find a job after losing everything now I got Ok job to support my kids more that I had this past 2 years, doing odd jobs or whatever to survive.

I feel guilty not being able to do more and it burns my soul everytime she reproachs me for not being able to do more , only God knows I mostly drink water and bread and Ramen to be able to send money, I have to admit I haven't been consistent, but im trying my best to cut on everything unnecessary.

Working towards proper accommodations for them to visit has been my priority, I'm bouncing back in life, All Glory to The Most High!

I just can't help to cry when I think about them, I avoid places with kids or people with kids because It makes me deeply sad to the point I cry and I can't stop it. I hate to be this soft, I had always being strong, life has not been easy for me, but this situation is killing me.

I apologize for my long post, Im just looking for a licensed therapist to tell me what the he'll is wrong with me, why a grown man can't stop crying every single time he think about his kids?