I need mental health resources, more affordable or free(?)

I am not in an emergency situation. I am not considering any actions to hurt myself or others

Over the last few weeks, I've been going through the s**t. It's been really rough. Even through some seriously horrible s**t in my life, these last few weeks have had me feeling worse than ever. I've made some really horrible decisions, I've acted horribly. I was told by my ex I was acting crazy, and I knew that I was. But tonight I recognized something that stood out for me. I quickly became so agitated and angry that I was shaking. I couldn't control my words. I was like, 9.5/10 on losing control of myself. But then after about 40 minutes, I went completely calm, and felt peaceful. It stood out to me, because I actually felt so relaxed, and I mentioned it on the phone. And then I realized that this has been happening over the last few weeks. It's been a serious issue. I have come extremely close to making horrible, terrible decisions.

I'm asking for help in finding out where I can get medication. I was diagnosed with bipolar, manic depression when I was young. I didn't think it was a real thing, so I quit the medication quickly. And as I look back on my life, I realize that this has been an issue. I just never noticed. I thought it was just life. But these last few weeks have been so fucked, this keeps happening. I get so agitated, angry, sad, or depressed, I can't think straight, and I keep saying and doing things without even thinking. And then I'll go right back to "normal" shortly after. And not because there was some kind of resolution to the issue. I'll just go from feeling like absolute s**t, self-destructing as hard as I can, to thinking about puppies and flowers and feeling fine.

I need help. I don't have a lot of resources as a result of recently damaging relationships. I don't even know where to go. I just know that if I continue with this, it's going to end up horribly. I can't go on like this. I'm being so horrible to the people I love. I'm doing things to make my life worse, and I can't stop. It's not only when I'm drinking. I know there was times when I drank entirely too much. It's not seemingly triggered by anything. I just can't keep hurting the people I love, I can't keep hurting myself.

If you can help me by suggesting were I can go to get help, that's what I need. I need to find a professional that can help me find out what I need to do. I need medication. But I don't even know where to go. And I don't have much money. I'm not asking for a handout from anybody. Just maybe point me in the direction of where I can start looking.

I just need help to get this s**t under control. I can't keep hurting others or myself. Thank you for reading this far. Please DM me if you have any experience or suggestions.

I'm going to try to look on Google. It's not an emergency situation where I need someone to step in immediately. I just don't want to get to that point.

My ex suggested something about Hims, because she gets a medication from Hers. I thought they were only sex-related stuff. But she said they are $180 for 3 months or something, which is kind of hard to do right now, but if that's the best option, I can borrow the money.

Thank you for your suggestions.