Finding Myself After a Decade of Heartbreak

Hello, my name is Miriam. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

I fell in love with a guy named Daniel. We dated for 10 years, but I was too scared to tell him how I felt initially, so I told a friend. Unfortunately, my friend blurted it out, and Daniel’s sister heard it and told him.

We were young and didn’t date back then. I moved to America before him and dated other people who hurt me because I struggled with communication. Daniel found me on Facebook and confessed that he liked me, knowing his sister had told him about my feelings. I was dating someone else then and wasn’t interested. However, after that relationship ended, I started dating Daniel.

Our relationship wasn’t serious at first, mainly because I was always busy. But as months went by, I began to spend more time with him, listening to his problems and sharing mine. Our bond grew stronger, and the love I had for him from my younger years resurfaced.

Daniel was different from other men I had dated. He was smart and helped me with my homework. He asked for things I hadn’t done with anyone else, and I realized he was a green flag. He taught me about sex, and though I was initially hesitant, I promised to save myself for him. Despite being in different cities and not seeing each other for years, we stayed connected.

During COVID-19 in 2020, he planned to visit me, and I was thrilled. When he arrived, I was nervous but happy. We spent time together, and eventually, we both lost our virginity to each other. After that, he started visiting every five months. However, problems arose. I felt manipulated into losing my virginity because he promised to marry me and buy me a car.

Daniel’s behavior during sex made me feel used. He did things only for his pleasure and never reciprocated. I bought a sex toy to help me, and when I told him about it, he started demanding more from me without considering my needs. This went on for seven years, with me feeling increasingly depressed and gaining weight.

I attempted suicide and ended up in a psychiatric hospital. Daniel knew about it through my niece and told me not to take any medication. His support made me feel better temporarily, but his demands and criticisms resumed. He made negative comments about my body and compared me to other women, which worsened my self-esteem.

Our relationship deteriorated further. He cheated on me, and when I confronted him, he blamed me for everything. Despite this, I still loved him. Eventually, I started dating someone else, which made Daniel angry. He continued to interfere in my life, blaming me for his failed relationships and making me feel guilty.

Now, my ex-sister-in-law, who hates me, is trying to marry my nephew. According to our Congolese tradition, she would have to call me “mom,” which I don’t want. My nephew seems happy and in love with her, but I’m unsure if I should tell him about everything that happened between Daniel and me.

Should I tell my nephew the truth about Daniel and his sister? Daniel won’t leave me alone, continues to blame me for his problems, and his family dislikes me. I feel stuck and need advice on what to do.