feel cheesy for this but the framber no hitter means a lot to me

okay this may be cringe (i've been drafting and deleting it since the game ended) but i'm just going to hit send and hope that this is intelligible to anyone but me:

i'm not an astros fan. i just drafted framber valdez in fantasy this year. i was like well as far as i can remember this guy makes the los angeles angels of anaheim chase sinkers out of the zone for a shitty little groundout a merely sanity destroying number of times. he will probably be absolutely cash money at fantasy baseball. and you probably don't have to like guys on your fantasy team or root for them necessarily. he could pitch 7.0 shutout with 14 ks and then the bullpen blows it every time idk.

so i watched white sox @ astros opening day (i'm from illinois and pick gr8 teams to root for). at some point i think there's absolutely no fucking way i'm MAD that framber valdez is pitching worse than DYLAN CEASE. elvis andrus TOOTBLANs himself with the bases loaded and i was weirdly not mad and actually relieved. alex bregman makes a crazy play at third to end the inning with no score and i yell nice things at my tv about alex bregman. incomprehensible, what's happening to me.

watched more framber starts. strictly to keep up with my fantasy team. remembered oh yeah i love lefties sinkerballers and workhorse qs machines and this guy is those things. he's on the astros tho. texted all of my friends i can't believe i am for real starting to unironically like an astros pitcher. complained when the astros lineup didn't give him run support even when he didn't take the L and my fantasy team didn't need the W.

not sure it sunk in all the way that it was past the point of "oh no i might starting to" until i read about him and the sports psychologist. like oh he had no composure on the mound, it was really bad, he had to actively get help to overcome his emotions and negative self talk and build basic resilience. and not to get into it on the houston astros subreddit but i was dx'd with bipolar 1 last year and it's been weird. and i started noticing when framber got mad at a call or missed the zone too much or didn't hold the runner, that he had to work hard not to beat himself up and spiral and let it turn into a whole thing. it really touched me. and i cheered when he got out of it okay, and i cheered when he didn't and then came back out next batter or next inning or next start doing his best anyway. missed watching him on the IL, worried about him the last few starts when it felt like nothing went his way. cheered when he beat my teams even when cease or giolito or ohtani or detmers took the L. because it was like…it sounds memey to say but i was like damn that's how i have to work and i have to struggle and i don't always get it right but i still have to go out there even when i kind of want to melt into slime mold. and when we're both out there feeling like slime mold and figuring it out he's just like me.

so i'm visiting my parents and i'm flying home tomorrow. played minigolf with a friend this afternoon and then got dinner with my partner. i was checking fantasy on and off while we were out of the house– saw framber was perfect through 4; then he had a walk and i said OH NO out loud; then i realized still no hits; then on the bus home i was refreshing the app every 3sec and almost missed our stop. then i got ribbed mercilessly for putting the 8th and 9th inning of an astros game on at my parents' house. but god, framber's stuff was fucking nasty right to the end– like the baseball was getting pulled by a fucking magnet. he was so locked in and on it. i'm so glad i could watch even two innings and be there yelling YES!! F**K YES!! when peña caught that last out and framber's whole face lit up with that big wonderful smile.

congratulations on your ace, astros fans, you're so lucky to see him pitch. i have to actually hit post on this and go pack for my flight in the morning. when we get home i'm going to call in the refill on one of my meds; then i'm going to tell myself i can order a framber jersey if i actually finish finding a therapist and scheduling a first appointment like my partner has been telling me for months. you all have a good one and lmk when the tequila sunrise stripes are stocked :' )