I know who the Texans will be drafting at #12.

Okay, hear me out, i've put a lot of thought into this. (It doesn't matter if they draft a QB at 2, that is irrelevant, we will get back to that). At #12, we draft … The last QB you would think of. A quarterback that would literally be unthinkable to draft that high. A would-be Mr. Irrelevant.

That man? None other than Northern Illinois' Rocky Lombardi. Some lists have him projected to go undrafted if at all. But this Husky will be a legend, just look at what SF did with Brock Purdy. Mr. Irrelevant is out – it's all about beating everyone else to the hype.

First of all, his name is Rocky fucking Lombardi. It's a name i'd have picked for a Madden save file and it's destined for greatness. Second, his number? It's #12. Tom Brady, the 199th overall pick in his day, the GOAT's number, and it is the number we'll draft him at. Third, his 2022 stats include a 5:1 touchdown/int ratio – godlike. Nobody will see it coming.

As for pick #2? A kicker. They will call us morons, but kickers are responsible for some 30% of all points scored. They are the real morons for sleeping on steel-toed greatness. I'm thinking we alternate between two star kickers to mix it up, run some trick plays, and that's how we're gonna win the AFC south this year.

Trust me on this, i watch a lot of football and i know what i'm talking about.